If you find yourself thinking that he's always at work or all he cares about is watching the game, working on his car, surfing the internet, or going to the gym, chances are he isn't spending enough time with you. Spending time together is one primary way that people feel loved. Without enough quality time, you may find yourself feeling neglected, resentful, or depressed. Believe it or not, that's not how he wants you to feel and he may be more willing to rectify the situation than you realize. Here are some tips to help turn things around:
1. Understand his motives: If he's always at work, chances are he is trying to please you by providing what he thinks you need - money. Additionally, his job may be a place where he feels successful, productive, and masculine. If it's a hobby that's taking his attention, understand that men need a certain amount of time just for themselves. The true problem is actually not the time he spends at work or with his hobby. The problem is that regardless of what he's doing with the rest of his day, he's not spending enough time with YOU.
2. Stop complaining about what he IS doing: Many women ask for what they want by complaining about what they're not getting. Most men don't understand how to translate a woman's complaint. If you ask for more time by complaining that, "All you do is work, work, work" you will likely get a reply about why the work is necessary. "What do you want me to do, quit working? What do you want us to do, starve?" If you complain about his hobby, he will likely defend it's importance, further frustrating you. Communicating your needs in the form of complaints is one reason men think women are confusing. Most men would be willing to add more to their plate to make you happy if they clearly understood what you want. Stop complaining because you are only adding to his confusion and your own frustration.
3. Validate what he's doing and be specific about what you want: Instead of asking him to work less, thank him for working so much and ask him for more. As crazy as this sounds, people are capable of an awful lot and asking for more sends the message that you view your man as capable of truly making you happy. "You work so hard for us. It would make me really happy if we could start watching movies together on the weekend." Instead of complaining to him, which sounds like criticizing his efforts, asking for more sends the message that he is wanted, needed, valued, respected, and loved. He may grumble when you first make your request, but sit tight and watch him do his best to come through for you.
4. Be willing to negotiate: Being home for dinner every night might be harder for him to succeed at than if you attempt to negotiate for three nights a week. If he offers you something close to what, take it and give it a try. You can always renegotiate for more later but moving in the right direction is better than being stubborn about getting 100% of what you want and making it harder for him to give it to you.
5. Make sure he feels successful: We raise little boys with the example superheroes and even as adults, there is something inside every man that makes him want to be a hero for you. When your man makes you happy, that makes him feel accomplished, and men are motivated by success. When he comes through for you, you must give him a solid signal that he succeeded. "You take such good care of me. I loved watching that movie with you. You're a really good husband. You're a really good father. You make me so happy..." It feels good to give, and when your man can please you, it makes him feel like a better man, so be sure to tell him when he does a good job.
6. Take interest in what interests him: Believe it or not, most men share that they would like their women to take more of an interest in what interests them. If he loves football, learn something about his favorite team. If he plays guitar, listen to him play. If he loves going to the gym, notice how his muscles are growing. Be interested, positive, and supportive. By taking an interest in what he likes and moving closer to his comfort zone, you will strengthen the bond he feels for you. The more bonded he is to you, the more time he will want to spend with you. Investing in his interests is an investment in your own future happiness.