He Doesn’t Talk About His Feelings

Are you looking for more connection than you've been getting?  Men DO have feelings and since they rarely share their feelings with other men, learning to be your man's trusted listener can cause him to feel more and more connected to you. To encourage sharing, you must build trust and create a bond.  Use the principle of Making The Right Thing Easy and The Wrong Thing Difficult to open up the channels of communication.

1. Don't push him: It's been statistically proven that men speak fewer words per day than women. They are also more likely to get to the point without extraneous information. Do not expect your man to communicate his feelings in the same way that a woman would. If you ask, "How was the meeting?" he might respond with, "We got the deal."  When a man gives you results, he IS sharing.  If you pressure him for more details, he may simply repeat himself.  "What do you not understand?  We got the deal."   The more you dig, the more apt you are to frustrate him and cause less sharing in the future.  Stay in HIS Comfort Zone as pushing too hard could trigger opposition reflex, so don't push.

2. Timing is everything: Don't ask him to talk the moment he gets home and is still processing his day.  Give him some transition time so he can settle in. Men often experience more intense levels of focus than women and have a tougher time juggling multiple things at once. If he's in the middle of something else, wait until he's finished before you ask him about his day.  In this way you are using the principle of make the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult.  Make it easy for him to share by getting your timing right.

3. Casually invite him to share: If you want to get to the bigger things, start with the smaller things first to build trust.  Ask him about his day.  If he gives you a short answer like, "It was fine," stay pleasant and casual about it.  Ask him about something HE likes and take an interest in it. Ask questions about the topic, not about your relationship, and let him teach you more about it.  Men like to be credible and successful so stay in HIS comfort zone. The more often he experiences a good feeling from sharing with you, the more likely he will be to share more intimate things in the future.

4. Ask him what he thinks but don't ask him how he feels: Women feel their emotions.  Men feel, too, but not in quite the same way as women.  Men feel sensations with their bodies.  They feel hungry, tired, and hot.  Asking him how he feels when you are wanting to hear about his emotions may seem to a man like you are digging and asking more for your benefit than his.  If you want to know how he feels, ask him what he thinks. Most men enjoy sharing their opinions and will do so at length so long as you do not openly disagree. On more intimate topics, wait for him to voluntarily offer more to you.  It may take a while but if you're relationship is going right, he will eventually do it. Follow the rule: You've got to go slow to go fast.

5. Stay in the present: The idea is to build a solid foundation so that in time, your man will be willing to talk about more and more topics.  The present is an easier topic for most men than the future so make sure that sharing about the present is solid before graduating to sharing about the future. Bringing up the future too soon may take him too far outside his comfort zone which could backfire and make it take that much longer to get there.

6. Listen without challenging what he's said: Since your goal is to create trust, listen and accept whatever you are hearing. Don't make him wrong or he may wish he'd never opened his mouth in the first place. Don't psychoanalyze what he's saying or twist it into some hidden meaning about you. Men tend to share directly, while it's women who tend to share in a less direct way. Your job is to receive the sharing so take it at face value. Having a hidden agenda of your own, or accusing him of having one, is a sure to shut him down.

7. Be Supportive: Men want unconditional love and acceptance and they WANT to share their feelings with a woman they can trust. By being supportive, encouraging and positive, your man will be more likely to confide in you. Let your man know that you believe in him, trust his judgement, and love him no matter what. Remember that behind every great man is a greater woman, so be that woman! If you can listen openly, with understanding and sincerity, men will share their feelings with you and will do so more and more with time.


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