Many women complain that when they were dating, their partners used to be attentive and helpful, but over time all that stopped. Is it true that once men get comfortable they also get lazy? Maybe...but while dating, most women politely accept whatever their partner offers. However, as we women get more comfortable, we often get less polite and more vocal about particulars. If your partner has turned from a prince into a couch potato, it could be that your way of communicating played a part in causing that. Here are common mistakes women make that demotivate men:
1. Telling him what to do: Making demands on a man the right way can motivate him, but bossing him, controlling him, or simply telling him what to do can have the opposite effect. Most people don't like being told what to do and, because of opposition reflex, your man may resist you simply because of how you asked. This point can be confusing to women because men often say, "Don't make me guess; just tell me what you want." So, you tell him and he still won't do it! It can be maddening. There is a right way and a wrong way to motivate your man. If telling him what to do isn't working, stop telling him what to do.
2. Telling him how to do it: Imagine your man as a knight in shining armor. He is going to slay a dragon for you and just as he is drawing his sword, you say, "The sword isn't going to work. You'll have to get way too close to him. You need to use the gun or you could also try the poison." Or maybe instead you say, "You're using the wrong sword. Here, use this one." Trying to help your man by telling him how to do something inadvertently sends him the message that he's incapable, inept, stupid, or wrong. Men are motivated by feeling successful. Unless it's a safety issue, let him do it however he wants and keep your mouth shut.
3. Critiquing what he did: Some people think that critiquing another person will help them become more successful, but in reality pointing out flaws generally causes people to feel criticized instead. A reader wrote in that she gave her man a shopping list: wet cat food, 1 bag of dry dog food, and a bottle of hair conditioner. Her man brought home 2 bags of dry cat food, 2 bags of dry dog food, and 2 bottles of shampoo. No wet cat food and no conditioner. Instead of chastising him, she recognized his efforts to give her even more than what she'd asked for (albeit the wrong items) and she simply said thank you. The next time she went to the store, she brought home the cat food and conditioner.
4. Nagging: If he's agreed to do something and then doesn't do it, it can be tempting to nag him. Nagging often works in the beginning of a relationships, but will lose it's effectiveness over time. Why? Nagging is repetitive and repetitive motion is desensitizing. Instead of him being more likely to respond to you, nagging will cause him to simply tune you out. If you think he's going to forget, remind him in a more positive and subtle way. "I'm so glad you're changing the oil in the car for me."
5. Doing it yourself: When he offers to do something for you, let him! So many intelligent, capable, successful women take the drive right out of their man by saying, "That's ok. I can do it myself." Let him do it. Why should he continue to offer you things when he consistently gets rejected? It doesn't matter if you could have done it faster, better or more economically. Start to recognize when a man is trying to provide for you by providing his help, advice, or muscle. Stay out of the way and let him.
Remember that men are goal driven, they love to succeed, and they love to see you happy. The quickest way to emasculate your man is tell him what to do, tell him how to do it, critique what he did, nag him, or do it yourself. If you find yourself saying that your man doesn't do anything, check your own behavior and see if accidentally you may be taking the drive out of your man.